There are many definitions of leadership, but one that resonates with us is that, in essence, leadership is about engaging the hearts and minds of people in order to work towards a better future, often with some sacrifices along the journey. This requires leaders to articulate – and, indeed, embody – a vision that followers can engage with and work towards.
In his 2025 book Graceful Leadership, Dr Will Parks defines the main tenets of this leadership style as compassion and effective coaching.
Compassion has developed into a field of its own, with giants such as Professor Paul Gilbert, at the Compassionate Mind Foundation, defining it as “a sensitivity to suffering in self and others, with a commitment to try to alleviate and prevent it”. Who wouldn’t want this in every aspect of their lives?
“The coach acts as a ‘thinking partner’ to shine a light on their thinking, to help them get outside of the situation”
Empowering others
Compassion could also be understood as showing an understanding of another’s situation, and then helping them to manage and resolve the issues themselves. The helping, or rather empowerment, stage is where effective coaching comes in. Asking appropriate questions, reflecting back statements to check meaning and understanding, putting the situation out in front of the person so they can see it in the round – the coaching process aims to allow the person to gain a greater understanding of their situation and see their options to manage it. The coaching approach assumes that the person is resourceful, whole and not ‘broken’. The coach acts as a ‘thinking partner’ to shine a light on their thinking, to help them get outside of the situation.
An effective delivery
A common misconception is that compassion may simply mean being kind and gentle. But how does that play out in the workplace, where you will have to have difficult conversations to manage performance? Dr Parks notes that “graceful leaders can be assertive and compassionately tough when the situation demands it, but never aggressive, reckless or mean-spirited”.
If a leader/manager acts in a compassionate, supportive way consistently – and has challenging conversations sensitively when necessary – their message is likely to be received in the manner in which it is intended.
Can we have both compassion and effectiveness? We think so. Being a graceful leader is more about bringing people with you than being controlling.
Wellbeing first and foremost
Most workers want to come to work to do a good job and get on with their colleagues. As managers, we have to ask: do they have the knowledge, skills and mindsets to succeed? Do they feel supported to handle the challenges? Have we provided the right training, clear guidance and support they need to do the work?
When this is lacking, it is likely to lead to poor performance for an individual and, therefore, for the whole team.
Then there may be personal conflicts in the workplace that can cause challenges. These may be resolved by compassionate coaching, balanced by considering capability, competence and discipline where necessary.
We believe graceful leadership starts with the mindset of wishing the best for everyone and then encouraging them towards achieving it. For the leader, there are bound to be frustrations along the way, so they require a high degree of emotional self-awareness and control. Yet it can also be very powerful to show up as a real human being, even sometimes in vulnerability.
To become a more graceful leader, you first need to review your own self-love and care. Until you look after yourself appropriately, how can you show love, compassion and support for your colleagues?
“Becoming a graceful leader delivers greater wellbeing and lasting results to all of those involved”
Lasting success
What are the benefits of this emerging type of leadership? It should produce a workplace in which people feel valued and appreciated; a place where they feel psychologically safe and able to show up as their authentic self. Coaching can really help develop the skills needed to deal with challenges and build resilience. These being in place, people can work towards being their best at work and achieving their goals, in both doing and being.
One challenge for leaders could be in making the time for coaching conversations, as they may be perceived as taking longer to do than just telling someone what you want. Telling is quick, but it doesn’t always stick. We remember the story that it is better to teach a person to fish than to give them a fish, even though it takes longer at the outset. In the long run, it’s a more effective strategy. Coaching does take time, but when we fully enter into the process, it will almost certainly bring lasting success, as well as improved output.
Graceful leadership, too, takes time to develop. However, like actions that we practise regularly, it will eventually become a habit and take less energy, because we are not thinking about it all the time. It will become automatic.
Becoming a graceful leader delivers greater wellbeing and lasting results to all of those involved.
What will be your first step towards becoming a more graceful leader? How will you measure your progress? What’s possible for you, your life and your team?
Alasdair Miller, Tim Kemp, Barbara Bates and Alison Lally are the founders of Synergy Performance Associates, which helps organisations to increase the performance and wellbeing of teams and individuals.
